Since I am known as a writer of humor, it was gratifying to receive so many notes from people who got a laugh out of my suggesting I would like to see a “gentlemen’s club” in downtown Bakersfield. While many people commenting understood the significance of my support for legalizing prostitution and treated it with the seriousness such a thing deserves, it was the name “Bakersfield” being associated with a fancy, legal whorehouse that tickled not a few funny bones. And by golly, I’m tired of Bakersfield being the butt of derisive jokes having this image problem and propose doing something about it!

While I was born in Weedpatch, I have always considered Bakersfield my hometown. And I have fond memories of the Dust Bowl folks among whom I was raised, many fond memories of our little church and grocery store on the corner of Cottonwood and Padre, and I know first hand the kind of nobility associated with the best of those Okies and Arkies with their polite southern manners and speech so characteristic of long held traditions of such things.

But let’s face it folks, when anyone says “Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Malibu, San Francisco” these names conjure up a certain image. And, when anyone says “Bakersfield” this conjures up a certain image; and it certainly is quite distinct from that of the other cities mentioned. And people are not going to confuse CSUB with Stanford or Berkeley. However, perhaps because of my being born in Weedpatch I may be a tad more conscious of and sensitive to the name of one’s birthplace, and maybe that has something to do with my sticking up for Bakersfield. That said I do understand the importance of perception. And I want to do my bit in changing the perception of Bakersfield.

The progress of civilization owes much to those like Charles Dickens, Upton Sinclair, John Steinbeck and others, gifted writers who could make the plight of children and working people so touchingly clear it forced politicians to take notice and act. But unlike Karl Marx, the writers in the English and American traditions never lost sight of the need for Emerson’s “strong natures,” those rare people who by brute force overcame enormous obstacles of nature and lesser men, seized power, and once having done so founded dynasties that would eventually lead to the betterment of humankind with civilized families giving rise to the arts, to the true Lady and Gentleman, those without affectation that would lead by virtue instead of the physical force required of their brutish ancestors.

Having graduated from Mira Costa High School in Manhattan Beach, my having lived and loved much of my young adult life among the Lotus Eaters of that Camelot of my youth now only seen in films like “Gidget” I am well qualified to speak knowledgeably about the subject of a whorehouse in Bakersfield.

No one is going to dispute the fact Bakersfield has an image problem, and I’m not going to belabor the many reasons this is the case. But it is time the city fathers, and mothers, came to grips with what is required to change this image of Btown being a harbor of brutish people of brutish ancestors and begin to think seriously about making it a toney town of refined, civilized people with civilized manners and an appreciation for real culture. A “squiggle” isn’t going to do the job, and while I recall the Bakersfield Arch with fondness since it was first constructed so many years ago over Union Avenue, the move to its new location only enhanced the poor image of my hometown. While I love good C&W and have played and sung in some real honky tonks the Arch and Buck Owens, a Crystal Palace only emphasizes the word “Hick.”

But a whorehouse, a real gentleman’s club with all the embellishments of the old Ambassador Hotel with its Coconut Grove, something rivaling Grauman’s Chinese Theater and having its own Walk of Fame, the stars to be named for the most talented of the ladies, a virtual palace gilded inside and out, garishly shouting “Whorehouse!”- Absolutely that would enhance the image of Bakersfield! And when anyone would mention “Downtown” the term would have real significance. And once some minor scruples against the idea have been overcome, I’m certain not a few church leaders would see the wisdom of my suggestion; that is the leaders not of the mindset women should be subservient to men, the kind of “barefoot and pregnant” thinking already associated with the denizens of Bakersfield.

Now I grant you such a world class brothel would generate real interest far beyond the confines of downtown Bakersfield. The city boasts its annual Business Conference but just think of how many more worldwide would attend if they knew they had a world class Pleasure Palace to which they could resort following the conference. The world leaders of corporations would be falling all over each other to attend! If you can relate to the profound philosophy in “Paint Your Wagon” you readily understand my point. Why should local folks have to travel to the Getty for some refinements of civilized culture?

Let’s say some really far-sighted civic leaders in Bakersfield should see the wisdom of my suggestion. Granted it would take real courage to speak out on this and support the idea; but the one thing that more than any other standing in the way of our leaders, whether local, state, or federal taking up for the working girl and acting on my suggestion is the fact politicians do not want the competition in a field they consider their own turf, especially since their idea of “servicing” the public makes a mockery of the legitimate working girl and prostitution as an honorable occupation by comparison.