In George Babbitt of Zenith, Sinclair Lewis showed the power of conformity often leading to the vacuity to be found in American life. In both Main Street and Babbitt, Lewis skewered the axiom “The business of America is business,” an oftentimes poignant satire on the meanness of lives of “quiet desperation” recognized by Thoreau and so many before Lewis put pen to paper. But the genius of Lewis in portraying such lives of quiet desperation led to his being the first American to win a Nobel for literature.

A Community Voice column in the Bakersfield Californian titled “City mustn’t forsake literary heritage” by Gerald Haslam would lead one to think poets are the only writers of note by which a “literary heritage” should be acknowledged. This is the typically elitist thinking that denies the actual literary heritage of America, which is not in its poets but the great writers like Lewis by which America earned its place as a literary nation. A far better measure of Kern County’s literary heritage is to be found in the Weedpatch Memorial Library, to which I have made a modest contribution from some of my own writing.

I am justifiably proud of my literary award from The Writers of Kern. As a “home boy” such an award proves someone from Weedpatch can actually be literate and write well. And I am only one among many in Kern County that are literate and can write well, but when it comes to what is too often only sophistry attempting to pass as “poetry” I have little patience for such pretense; which, of course, brings me to the point for my addressing the issue of a high class whorehouse in Bakersfield. And in the words of JFK I say “why not?” Come to think of it, there have been times when the White House has been host to… but I digress.

No one who knows me well would accuse me of naiveté, least of all when it comes to sex, made unashamedly and indelibly clear in my non-fiction book “Birds With Broken Wings,” some of the stories having to do with “working girls” I have known. And while I believe legalizing prostitution would be the right thing for America, I have no illusions about the prospect for such a thing happening. Still, in that fantasy world where writers often dwell in their heads the images of such a thing happening and what this could mean to American culture conjure up all sorts of fascinating and tantalizing possibilities.

While many writers, Lewis among them, wrote about whorehouses and the prominent role these have always played in American cities since before the Revolution and continuing on to this day, most writers of any stature have been of necessity somewhat circumspect in doing so, knowing well how they might call down the wrath of civic and church leaders were they to be absolutely truthful and candid about the subject. At that, while “gentlemen’s clubs” flourished the very idea that women should be entitled to the equivalent “lady’s clubs” would be anathema. But in all fairness, when it comes to the issue of equality in the best sense of the word there should be no double standards of race, religion, or sex.

Now if Lewis was able to write today on the subject of a high class whorehouse in Bakersfield, a contemporary Zenith peopled by Babbitt’s, I cannot but believe he would find a wealth of material for satire and parody just on the basis of the objections made to such a thing. Btown abounds in pretentiousness, so many attempts to make it a toney town all the while suffering the small town strictures of conformity leading to the vacuity of lives of quiet desperation. In all my years of experience with Kern County in general and Bakersfield in particular there is no escaping the kind of conformity that is much more like Babbitt and Zenith; and this is certainly accentuated here in the Kern River Valley where I now dwell, which is one of the reasons I live in near reclusive isolation from society. Someone of note replying to my first article about a whorehouse in Bakersfield asked, “Why don’t you put that in the Kern Valley Sun?” To which I replied with the words from the song “Oh, that’ll be the day…”

Bakersfield has an image problem. Imagine someone like Haslam expressing any consternation over why Bakersfield “poets” are not taken seriously in the literary world. The first thought that came to my mind when I read the piece was “You have just got to be kidding!” It reminded me of Sam Clemens remarking on the young man claiming to be a poet. “The trouble,” Sam said, “was his trying to get other people to believe he was a poet.” The literary doomsday name Bakersfield aside, one only has to do a search of the status of so-called “poetry” in America today to get the point. There is too much truth to the saying, “I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.” There are scams galore in the field of poetry, so-called “contests” of every kind, but just try to find a literary agent for anyone believing they are a poet or legitimate publishing houses looking for poets.

Now I have had book signings at Russo’s Books at the Marketplace. And talk about being surrounded by culture; this is where it is, where the literary folks of Kern County are in their proper environment. But whether Russo’s or any other upscale bookstore in Bakersfield, here you will find the proper environment for lovers of literature; the real cultural elite of Kern County. And one can only be thankful Bakersfield is not being judged and further demeaned on the basis of its “poets.” But one thing I miss is being able to have a cigarette, pipe or cigar with my cup of coffee while discussing literature with others. And I don’t doubt posters of famous literary figures will eventually for the sake of political correctness have their cigarettes, pipes and cigars air-brushed out of existence, much in the same way many famous figures of history and their association with whorehouses is often ignored.

Ah, but if prostitution were legalized and a truly grand Pleasure Palace were to open in Downtown complete with smoking rooms; now that, folks, would be the stuff of dreams. I would then say to literary pretenders in the most politically incorrect language; “Put that in your pipe and smoke it.” And it boggles the mind to consider what Sinclair Lewis would write about Bakersfield then. No Zenith of small minded Babbitt’s, but a city with a real claim to grandeur, sophisticated beyond the pretensions of San Francisco.

Granted such a high class whorehouse would be available only to the wealthy, but if prostitution were legal in no time at all other places would be made available to those of modest means. And so long as they were properly legalized with all the protections in place both men and women would be safer than the present system that encourages so much crime and disease.

Few knowledgeable people would disagree with the sentiment and oft expressed opinion that Kern County is a cultural wasteland. It isn’t that my native county has ever suffered a lack of talented and artistic people, some of this wasteland has to do with geography as much as anything else. Then too, our county suffers from a preponderance of low wage earners, too many people on the dole, abysmally low education due in no small part to the county playing host to so many non-English speaking illegal aliens, a host of problems plaguing the county accentuating the difficulties to be overcome; all of these things detrimental to the image of Kern County and the city of Bakersfield.

Ok, so I’m a humorist and I’m having fun pulling a few legs, but faced with such seemingly insurmountable problems to putting Btown on the cultural map, as someone who would like to have justifiable cultural pride in my native county and hometown, when I cast about in my mind what could be done to change our image a world class brothel, fitted and appointed with great art and décor, seemed more plausible than attempting anything else. The nattering nabobs of negativism are quickly circling the wagons, opposing such a thing. Preachers will take to pulpits denouncing the very idea of such a thing; civic leaders will expound on how preposterous the whole idea is, how it would be a shame and disgrace all the while ignoring the fact politicians avail themselves of illicit sex and drugs often at taxpayer expense. But wouldn’t it be fun to see editorials discussing the merits or lack thereof of such a thing. That alone would be sure to draw attention to Btown from the rest of the country. Ah, the hypocrisy of it all. It is the stuff of great literature like that of Sinclair Lewis, denouncing such hypocrisy and small minds.

No, I am not going to call those who understandably disagree with me “small-minded.” Those who thoughtfully disagree in a civilized manner have every right to do so and I welcome their input. But removed from fantasy to reality, since I do not oppose abortion I understand how abortion on demand as a means of contraception devalues life. But I also believe women have every right to the decisions about abortion, and I also believe they have every right to protect themselves from “back alley” abortions, not to mention the men that rut like animals then take no responsibility for the resulting babies but expect women to take responsibility and taxpayers to foot the bill. In just this same way I believe women have every right to make the decisions about prostitution without penalty of law. After all, men have historically made this claim for themselves, and I say: A pox on this hypocritical double standard!