Posted by
Sam Heath on Friday, June 29, 2007 5:12:08 PM
As though I needed further proof that life is unfair I have been cheated of a Darwin Award. Too many times in my life I have done things richly deserving of the award only to have guardian angels butt in and interfere thereby depriving me of the distinction I tried so hard to earn.
In mining, with which I am very familiar by experience, it is called “The Prudent Man Clause.” This requires you to prove to the government your claim would be profitable to work. Unfortunately, jurisprudence in America has fallen into such disarray it seems the prudent part often falls into the category of “The law is either a bachelor or an a--,” an increasingly unwieldy Rube Goldberg apparatus and a patchwork of laws too often at odds with each other. Who, for example, would have believed a judge would sue for millions of dollars over a pair of pants and such a thing ever even make it into a court of law? As though “How much justice can you afford?” is not bad enough, America has become such a litigious society it seems you must be either very poor or very wealthy to survive. That is, unless you are a politician or a judge in which cases the laws ordinary citizens are bound by seem not to apply.
Of course, if everyone was endowed with equal prudence there wouldn’t be any Darwin Awards, which discounting the fact the “winners” are people that get seriously hurt or killed for their lack of prudence give us a laugh about how some people can do things that are really stupid. Note that I do not say such people are stupid, but that they did stupid things qualifying them for this onerous award. However, were it not for guardian angels, in my opinion, some of the stupid things I have done might well have earned me such a distinction. So I’m not as quick to laugh at the winners of the Darwin Awards as some others might be. And looking back I can be forgiven for thinking that living to my elder status has been nothing short of miraculous.
Generally we think of prudence being a mark of maturity and without question people mature at different rates, if they mature at all. We do not expect the same level of prudence in children that we do of adults. Bill Watterson certainly understood this, which made his Calvin and Hobbes so successful. Quite understandably to Calvin his parents simply were unreasonable denying his reasonable requests for things like flamethrowers and bazookas.
When I was a boy living here on the mining claim I was awakened one night by a skunk that had come into the cabin. It was an entrancing idea to have my very own pet skunk. Like Calvin, I did not ask my grandparents a question I already knew would provoke a negative response. Instead, I began leaving table scraps for my nocturnal visitor without bothering to inform my grandparents. Then one night the dog tangled with the skunk and we were all awakened by the horrendous odor throughout the cabin. My grandfather in particular exhibited a very negative and uncharitable attitude towards my pet and planned its demise. Leaving out some cyanide-laced sardines he figured that would do the trick. However, the skunk having been miffed by the dog’s attempt to be friendly didn’t return. But grandad’s plan did bear fruit. A couple of days later I found our cat dead. On my side, perhaps grandad should have known the cat would be a likely victim of his plan for a deceased skunk.
Well, I don’t dare bore readers with the stupid things I have done in my life (can’t you just hear Cleavon Little in Blazing Saddles saying “Dare, dare”). Suffice it to say (dang) I have done too many stupid things in my life to call anyone else stupid. And no matter the detractors of Intelligent Design I believe I am living proof of guardian angels. Nevertheless, people do stupid things and we still get a chuckle out of the Darwin Awards.