It is with real empathy for those that resort to evolution in an attempt to understand life that I offer the possibility of God simply having a bad cheese day thereby accounting for the universe and life here on earth. It’s a familiar scene in “A Christmas Carol” where Scrooge suspects he may have fallen victim to a bit of bad cheese (the early film version), and this accounts for his seeing an apparition of Marley. Had this been the case some bicarbonate and a good belch would have relieved the situation, much like Sean Connery using this cure and thereby offending the head shaman in “Medicine Man.”

We know the physics of gasses; that they expand to achieve equilibrium in the space allotted. When such gas builds up in our stomachs a good, solid burp usually relieves the situation; and there is that scene in Ben-Hur where Charlton Heston was required to do so after a meal as an expression of good manners to the sheik who has befriended him.

The bubble theory of the universe in which multiple universes might exist as bubbles floating about in the infinity of forever is fascinating, as are most theories of the universe. Early on in my own speculation of this it seemed to me a cosmic explosion as in the Big Bang would have to be spherical, and there has to be a reason for the universe favoring the spheres of stars and planets with their elliptical and circular orbits. Emerson got me to thinking about this from his treatise on “Circles.” And why should soap bubbles always be spheres, why does using that plastic gizmo dipped into a soap solution and then blowing through it always produce spherical bubbles (discounting Spongebob’s versatility)? A cosmic burp, the Big Bang would favor an expanding bubble universe and the many spherical gas giant planets throughout the universe.

But could the universe itself be the result of a cosmic burp? Was God himself the victim of a bit of bad cheese as Scrooge suspected was his case, or because of a large satisfying meal as in Ben-Hur resulting in an unimaginably huge burp; the Big Bang? The more uncharitable minds would degrade this thought by mentioning flatulence instead of a burp, but I leave that to those with an ax to grind concerning God.

My flight of fancy into this realm of the Big Burp comes down to one of two theories: Bad Cheese or Good Meal. The Bad Cheese people have only to consider the hostility of the universe toward life and the mess we live with here on earth. I only have to consider the violence of the universe, the violence involved with the birth of our planet and the diabolical life forms like dinosaurs, the ongoing violence of volcanoes, earthquakes and storms, the violence involved with Nature red in tooth and claw, of birth itself and the ongoing violence and brutality, the inhumanity we live with and death to credit the Bad Cheese theory.

Politicians, of course, fit into the Bad Cheese theory. How else to account for these creatures but the result of something really bad; though they more readily lend themselves to a flatulence theory rather than the Big Burp, and the violence, greed and corruption so prevalent would at least indicate God was having a really bad cheese day to allow all this to come into being.

The kind of religious insanity such as that of Islam that grips so many would certainly lend itself to the Bad Cheese theory. But then any that felt an obligation to satisfy some bloodthirsty deity could be called victims of bad cheese themselves. Unfortunately, most of these will not submit to the Medicine Man with his bicarbonate cure resulting in a good burp to relieve them. Like the offended shaman, the mad mullahs of Islam will have nothing in the way of a cure lest they be offended and pronounce a curse on both the Medicine Man and the bicarbonate.

It is only fancy to imagine such a thing as the Big Burp whether good or ill, but then to try to imagine the universe is to take a trip into the literally fantastic. I thoroughly enjoy the excursions into the various theories of the universe, and could listen to those like Michio Kaku for hours as they expound on the virtually limitless possibilities.

But in all seriousness there is the matter of life itself and its origin that defies all attempts to define, and without an understanding of this, without knowing what exactly life is most of what we consider while looking at the stars is educated guesswork. We don’t even know where we stand in relation to what is unknown. And without knowing the “All” of it, how can we?

I suppose this is why I go off into my own flights of fancy; I have so little use for the pretenders that attempt to pass themselves off as being privy to the secrets of God and the universe. And I believe God understands why I poke a little fun at such pretenders and is not offended by expressing my thoughts concerning the Big Burp. And should this be the case, I still hold out the hope that things will eventually come out in the end the result of a large satisfying meal rather than that of bad cheese.

The Apostle Paul has it the creature does not say to the Creator “Why have you made me so?” If I’m not to question the Creator I just have to take it he has a sense of humor and made me so. But I’m depending on the Creator having a sense of humor or I may be in big trouble as per the Big Burp. However, while I don’t expect professional religionists to have much of a sense of humor, I do believe God can take a joke and I believe he understands our attempts to make some sense out of the universe and life.