Posted by
Sam Heath on Saturday, October 14, 2006 10:42:10 AM
My book Birds With Broken Wings is not one that men like. In fact, most men hate it because while it does not flatter women, it exposes some of the worst characteristics of men in relation to women. However, one of the points unflattering to either men or women is the fact the welfare of children is seldom the main consideration in divorce. And molestation often rears its ugly head in such cases, children often being used as pawns. But the truth is ugly enough.
While making my closing remarks to a large group of people at one of Bakersfield’s nicer clubs on the topic of the prevalence of molestation our hostess, a lovely young woman, raised her hand and asked if she could please say something. I gave her permission to do so and to everyone’s consternation she said, “Please believe everything this man has told you. I was molested by my stepfather when I was six years old. But I have never told anyone about this until now.”
To all outward appearances this attractive young woman had no problems. She was quite poised and self possessed, had been doing her job well and seemed quite normal in every respect. But she had a story to tell, however it wasn’t until she had listened to my remarks she found the courage to speak out in an attempt to exorcise the demon that haunted her all her life.
On another occasion a beautiful young woman who had been repeatedly raped by a stepfather over a seven year period of time gave me her handwritten story in the hope I could get Montel or Oprah to read it. Among the horrors she had suffered was the memory of her little brother often trying to hide her from this monster that was raping her. But her own mother was aiding this monster in the raping of her own little girl. After a divorce, the monster went on to rape other little girls but was finally arrested and is now serving twenty years in prison in Oregon. This young woman was called to testify against him, but her testimony had to include her own mother abetting this monster. This horror story goes on at some length including the District Attorney having to go to extraordinary lengths to protect this young woman because of death threats by this monster and its friends, but for the purposes of this brief article I will tell you about another young woman.
I'll call her Sue. She was molested, frequently, by her father. He would also put dresses on her little brother and molest him. When she was in the third grade, she said something to a relative that resulted in the principal of her school calling her into his office. Thinking she had done something wrong, she was fearful not knowing what to expect. What did she find when she got there? The principal, two policemen, a social service worker and the school nurse. If she had been frightened before, she was now terrified! It didn't take much coercion on the part of all these authority figures to get Sue to recant her story. She had made it all up. After all, as these authorities pointed out quite dramatically, Sue didn't really want her father to go to jail, to leave the family with no support, to shame the family, etc.
As she grew older, Sue’s life took the usual turn of the options of the molested little girl; nymphomania, lesbianism, prostitution, drugs, and alcohol. There were the usual failed marriages and children born to an unstable home because of an unstable mother. It was later she discovered her father had been molested himself. This was his “justification” for molesting her and her little brother.
There were others involved in Sue’s life, an uncle and a grandfather. Incest was commonplace in this so-called family. Sue's mother kept quiet about it. Sue eventually wound up on disability. By the time she contacted me, she was a basket case. The final straw was when she was abused by a postal clerk. Her food stamps were not in her post office box. When she inquired of the clerk about them, she was told in front of several other patrons: “Why don't you get a job?” Humiliated, a son still with her, no money, unable to work, unable to pay rent or even buy shoes for the child, Sue finally decided she had a story she had to tell.
But no one was interested in her story. After several failed attempts with local media and politicians and in the process having heard about me and my work on behalf of abused children, that I was a writer with media and political connections and might be willing to write her story for her she contacted me. Her disability and a failed operation left her unable to write. After listening to Sue for over two hours, I had to tell her the brutal truth: No newspaper, no TV station, no publisher, no politician would be interested in her story. Sue was crushed.
“Why not?” she asked.
I then told her what you readers don't want to hear; her story was too commonplace to be of interest to the media and people in general don't want to hear about this for several reasons. There's nothing you can do to help, you don't want to believe this is a commonplace story, you're sick, yourself, of people ripping off the welfare system and paying taxes for deadbeats like Sue, etc.
Sue was incredulous! A commonplace story? How could that be? I began the litany of statistics, the women like herself who have told me, personally, the same, identical story; the fact that over one-half of girls throughout America are molested in some way, the reasons children don't talk or can't talk about being molested.
Sue now knows what's she is up against. An uncaring and disbelieving society that refuses to confront molestation for the dreadful, destructive monster it is; and a monster out of all proportion to what people generally believe. We simply do not want to believe that any civilized society could have such a problem of such dreadful and dreadfully destructive proportions!
But Sue wanted me to write her story. And, in a very brief account, I'll do so. Why so brief? Because I have far too many identical stories and hers is not exceptional. She didn't have her arms cut off in a rape, her father wasn't head of a billion dollar empire, and she hadn't been a child beauty queen. In other words, her story didn't have a hook, a gimmick to attract public attention. The fact that it was a common story, a common tragedy, left it exactly that: Common. The fact that such a common story repeated millions of times in millions of lives is, itself, a comment on a society that refuses to believe, refuses to act on behalf of its little victims of monsters in the guise of men, a society that in failing to take action is dooming itself to deserved destruction seems to escape our elected leadership; as well as that of the electorate.
Anecdotal? Hardly. Would that it were. Sue's story is being repeated thousands of times daily across America. But we will treat such stories as anecdotal because the truth of its frequency is something no civilized society wants to confront.
Through molestation, Sue was taught she had no value as a human being, as a person. All she ever was as a female was a thing to be used by men… the brutal betrayal of trust and innocence whether by molestation or adultery, both kin of Judas, the betrayal impacts the betrayed for life. Sue sees her father's face in the relationships she has had with every man. And how many other lives, such as those of her own children, have been impacted by her own tragedy?
But Sue, for what it's worth, here is your story; though so briefly told few will understand the magnitude of your personal tragedy. It's too bad the leadership pays more attention to the airbags in cars than the plight of the multiplied thousands of children who would gain inestimably more in safety by attention to your story. And the stories of so many others in this book as well.
As an aside, after reading the book and having come to know me well a young woman said to me, “But Sam, aren’t you a bird with a broken wing as well?” I congratulated her for an astute estimate of my condition, one that comes with the territory of knowing the truth and writing about it.